Cooking and Crying

December 26, 2009 at 7:14 pm (healing, Inspiration, Memoirs, Rebuilding) (, , )

My Magic Kitchen

Cooking and Crying

It hits at odd moments when you are doing something normal.  The universe decides to remind you of how friggin lucky you are.

So here it is the holiday season, and it is all about cooking for my husband and I. We cook for gatherings that happen in our home, and are asked to cook for most other gatherings we attend as well. Rum-glazed bosc pairs, vegetarian matzoh ball soup, roasted winter vegetables over couscous, roasted beer can chickens, an apple cider brined turkey, tabuleh salad, mint and dill cucumber salad….I’m full just reading about it!

I am so pleased that our friends and family enjoy our cooking, and I believe that breaking bread with others is a sacred act.

But cooking is more than that for me. It is a reminder.

After my house burned down in August of 2007, I was naturally afraid of flames. I had seen fire at its most destructive, and had barely escaped being consumed by it myself. I did not light candles, go near fire places, sit near camping fires, or cook on a gas stove for months.

Then one cold winter day in our little rental house, I had a craving for matzo ball soup. I am a vegetarian, so I couldn’t just go to a deli to get the soup – it would have had chicken in it. I had to make the soup myself. I remember my hands shaking as I lit the burner that first time.

Now I cook most days with out a second thought, but once in a while I am reminded and I am grateful to be healing.

They tell me that this last batch of matzoh ball soup was especially good. It had a secret ingredient – tears of joy!

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4 Comments

  1. Liz said,

    Lovely! So proud of you Rach! xo

  2. -e- said,

    Mmm, I miss your cooking. So happy you are still around to be makin’ with the yum. A happy and blessed new year, my friend

  3. judi van parys said,

    Having had a chimney myself this year I can totally relate. And you have to stop and look around you to realize how luck y you are to still have creature comforts. More importantly to realize how friends and family help you throught those hardest of times!

  4. WomanWaitingInTheSeams said,

    In 15 days it will be 2 years since our house fire. During that time I have searched fruitlessly online for some type of help like I found today with your blog. I was in a very deep, paralyzing state today until your words woke me up. I’m attending a spiritual healing retreat in a few days which inspired one more attempt at closure.

    Does closure ever come? It was “just things” that we lost. I read of people who lost their precious children and pets and think how silly is it to still be stuck, to expend so much energy to work myself up to open the rented garage, lift the door, see the useless charred things that I haven’t worked up courage to throw out yet, catch a cry in my throat, and just close the door again.

    In the last month, I’ve been able to go in that garage and sort a little and throw a little away.

    We lost more than half of what we owned, I’d guess, because I’m still not sure. We were in the process of moving and most of our furniture was still there. The fire inventory people opened sealed moving boxes and tossed about (and broke) items that were in those boxes. Duh! The fire inventory was 50 pages long, 50 items per page.

    Was it worse for you to be there across the street seeing your fire? We were three hours away and I didn’t get back for 8 days, although the day after the fire a friend went in and looked around, reporting what he saw from his cell phone and picking up a few little things.

    Thank you for this lift in my countenance, this ray of hope in… my goodness, I just realized it has been 102 weeks.

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